“Imagine all of you are hypnotized to believe there is a tiger in this room. In your fear you will try to escape it, to fight it, to protect yourselves from it, to placate it. But once the spell is broken, there is nothing to be done. And you are all radically changed. So understanding breaks the spell, the broken spell brings change..."

-by Rev. Anthony De Mello
http://www.demello.org

What Kind of Friend are YOU? The 13 Types on Facebook
by David K. Israel

When it comes to parties, I tend to arrive late.
With Facebook, one of the centuries biggest
parties, I made no exception. To be completely
honest, I created an account many moons ago, but
only to play Scrabble with a friend back East. He
was my one and only friend. But when it came time
a couple months ago to create the How Did You
Know? fan page (have you joined yet?), I started
spending quality time on Facebook, and eventually
changed my fake Scrabble name to my real name,
added a photo to my profile, and fleshed out some of the info.

So I’m a month into the party now, and I’m
starting to see clear trends. Some friends fall
into category A, while others B. What about you
all? What kind of friend are you? Here’s the
category breakdown (and drop a comment if you think I’ve missed any):

A) The Overzealous Updater

This is the friend who can’t go half a day
without sharing What’s On His Mind. Honestly
people. We really don’t need to know that you’ve
just had your second shower of the day. For that
matter, we didn’t need to hear about the first one either.

B) The Link-bot

This is the friend who does nothing but share
links all day. Links to articles he’s read that
he thinks the whole world should be reading,
links to movie reviews, links to new games coming
on the market, links to his Twitter page where
he’s gone and posted 10 more links. There needs
to be a limit. Some links are good, especially
when they send people to this blog. But let’s
impose a 2-link-max rule per day, what do you say?

C) The Groupie

This is the friend who has joined more groups
than Marcia Brady did that one year in high
school when she was overcommitted and frazzled.
Asian Americans in Israel who Support Diplomacy with Iran? Really?

D) I Am My Kids

This is the friend who only uses Facebook to post
photos of the little ones, or updates that read:
“Tommy didn’t feel well today, so he stayed home
from school.” Might as well not even have your
own profile, just create one for the kid(s), no?

E) Spies (who used to) Like Us

This is the Ex who only friends you so s/he can
spy on you and make sure you have fewer friends
that s/he does, and that your new significant
other is less attractive than s/he was.


F) The Wanna-Be

This is the person who friends someone with the
great hope of becoming friends with that person
in real life, be it a minor celeb, or just
someone the Wanna-Be really admires from a slight distance.

G) The Two-facer

This is the friend who accepts your friend
request just to be polite, but then Hides your
updates immediately. Unfortunately, you have no idea who the two-facers are.

H) The Networker

This is the friend whose main purpose on Facebook
is to build a list he can tap when he needs to
for work/career. You know these friends because
they only message you with e-mails that read “So you still over at Viacom?”

I) The OverPoker

No need to explain this one, right?

J) The Get-A-Lifer

This is the hardcore friend who has nothing
better to do but subscribe and follow you via SMS.

K) The Attention Seeker*

This is the friend who posts status updates that
are purposely vague, and therefore beg for a
comment. Their status is all about getting you to
respond, getting attention, getting sympathy.
“Lori is scared, but hopes everything works out…”
[*sent to me by my friend Dawn, who is definitely an M... see below]

L) The Over Suggester

Just stop. Okay? Let me figure out who I want to
be friends with, okay? Honestly.

M) The Good Friend

This is the friend who mercifully doesn’t fit in
any of the above categories and is, hopefully,
just one of many normal, average facebookers
you’ve friended. Let’s hear it for the Good Friend!

{Honorable mention: The Foodie ­ this is the
friend who’s always posting updates with photos of plates of food}

{Favorite quote overheard when a friend of a
Friend got a new Friend on FB ­ “Ah man, I’m now friends with my dad… Jesus.”}